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ageministwin's Blog


Birthday Presents

I love coming up with weird requests when friends ask me what I would like for my Birthday.  This week, I came up with the following:

tacos and a t-shirt
Mahatma brown rice and can of tuna
shoyu and sea salt
hot curlers for my hair
a pack of dove soap and tweezers

But no one really gives me any of this stuff except for my son.  He tells his father and together they go to the store and buy me a present.  Last year, my son gave me a Power Puff girl eraser.  He is using it now.

I get the usual Amazon gift card, cash and other store gift cards.  My circle pretty much knows I'm weird, and they're used to it.  But don't get me wrong, I do LOVE the gift cards, cash and Power Puff Girl eraser!

 

Response to new vibe

I think I got it...

I checked my email again and looked at the position the recruiter was referring to and the job description is perfect for me.  It's a 1 year commitment, at $23 an hour (my rate at last job).  Wow!  

I feel good about this one, such positive energy flowing within me about this job.  I requested an earlier shift, and I don't think it will be a problem.  T hen came a text from my friend Christine.  Turns out she can meet for lunch after all.  So I drove to the village and sat there waiting.  Then it hit me - the Starbucks nearby allow flyers in their bulletin board.  I remembered asking the universe this morning to show me where to post my flyer that will yield many customers, and I just got the response I was looking for.  So I walked to Starbucks and the cashier gave me the "ok" to post my flyer.  I looked at the bulletin board and the only available space was right smack in the center.  How cool is that?!

Throughout the lunch I was laughing and joking around with my friend.  I am feeling very optimistic about the future.  Two good leads in one day, Wow!


 

A new vibe ...

Something is going to happen today.  I got on the freeway on my way to Newport, and saw the heavy traffic.  I was quite surprise since it's already past 9 AM.  No big deal, I exited and once again there was traffic.  Orange cones everywhere, as if guiding to which way I should go.  

I checked my email on my phone since I was at a standstill anyway, and saw that a recruiter sent me a message.  I figured I might as well go home since this is the only way I can go anyway, and get online to complete my application per requested by the recruiter.

As I drove, I couldn't help but feel like I am suppose to go home.  I'm not sure what the reason is, and I don't feel like it's the recruiter.  Something is about to happen or is happening and I need to be at home.  

Hmmm...
 

It Ain't about me ...

Weird things have been happening lately that I read as messages for me to reach out to BF (I refuse to call him ex).  I was on my way out the door for a run when a strong impulse hit me to send him a text.  I ran back upstairs to my cell phone and wrote "Just wanted you to know I'm thnking of you and miss you."  No reply.

Feeling bummed about the silence, I went about my day.  Then as I was driving, I was messing around with YouTube trying to get a music video going in the car.  Not sure how this happened, but the channel changed to a different video and the lady on it said "it's not about you!!"  Whoa! My heart stopped.  I felt like she was talking to me and answering my question.  I was feeling down that BF didn't bother to reply and honestly, I do feel like he's angry with me, disillusioned, heartbroken, you name it ... then this video screams out "It's not about you!" Crap! that just made my day.  

She's right - it's not about me.  If he can't return a loving gesture with a "thank you" then something heavy is definitely going on with him.  Very possible that he still hates my guts, yet loves me at the same time, therefore fearful to respond.  Hmm...plausible, but who knows?  Not much to do except to let him go through the process and hope that he gets over it soon.  I am still tripping over the whole YouTube thing though ... meanwhile, I'm having a glass of wine with cheese and listening to Dean Martin. Lovely!

Ask out loud, and for sure you'll get an answer.  Try it!
 

It Ain't about me ...

Weird things have been happening lately that I read as messages for me to reach out to BF (I refuse to call him ex).  I was on my way out the door for a run when a strong impulse hit me to send him a text.  I ran back upstairs to my cell phone and wrote "Just wanted you to know I'm thnking of you and miss you."  No reply.

Feeling bummed about the silence, I went about my day.  Then as I was driving, I was messing around with YouTube trying to get a music video going in the car.  Not sure how this happened, but the channel changed to a different video and the lady on it said "it's not about you!!"  Whoa! My heart stopped.  I felt like she was talking to me and answering my question.  I was feeling down that BF didn't bother to reply and honestly, I do feel like he's angry with me, disillusioned, heartbroken, you name it ... then this video screams out "It's not about you!" Crap! that just made my day.  

She's right - it's not about me.  If he can't return a loving gesture with a "thank you" then something heavy is definitely going on with him.  Very possible that he still hates my guts, yet loves me at the same time, therefore fearful to respond.  Hmm...plausible, but who knows?  Not much to do except to let him go through the process and hope that he gets over it soon.  I am still tripping over the whole YouTube thing though ... meanwhile, I'm having a glass of wine with cheese and listening to Dean Martin. Lovely!

Ask out loud, and for sure you'll get an answer.  Try it!
 

4-14-14

Interesting date ...

I was have a good morning in Palm Springs with family when my agency called about a job, that starts tomorrow.  There was such urgency that I got in my car and drove home.  Upon arriving, agency called and said the job went with a different girl.  Ugh!  So here I am at home ... what am I doing here?  Why was it necessary for me to be home tonight or tomorrow?  I get the feeling something is about to happen that has nothing to do with the job or any job.  Just a ruse to get me to come home and I'm wondering why ...

 

Has he given up on us?

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Therapy and love

I have a boyfriend.  What makes him different from all the rest is that I actually love him.  Not just superficial, surface type of love, but the deep kind that makes you think "soulmate" in mind.  What's troubling is that I'm the opposite of love.  I kill what comes my way, and if it's a relationship coming from "love" then I will not only destroy it, but I will annihilate it.  I do take the time to issue a warning, but noooo, you had to go there and "invest" in the relationship.  Now you find yourself in "shit" island, and you turn to me with accusatory confused eyes full of questions.

How? Why?  I don't know, that's just how I am.  I wasn't born this way, but somewhere along the line, I became this way.  So I'll do something for you, that I've never done before ... I will actually go see a therapist and maybe he can provide something interesting enough for me to get a hold of, and practice.

Ah ... I see that life has sent me a recovering alcoholic to "counsel" me.  Not sure how this is going to work since I'm not on "sobriety" but actually on something much more sinister - BiPolar squared!  

This is going to be interesting...
 

Brief, clear and concise


I am determined to finish my book by the end of 2012.  This is a new venture for me, non-fiction writing.  Many have suggested, including my psychologist to give it a whirl.  Some days words just flow, other days I struggle, like today.  To confuse me even more, I started writing scenes for my never ending script.  WTH?!  Why am I working on this again?

I had already decided early on that screen writing may not be for me anymore.  So I'm trying my hand at book writing.  My work involves a lot of technical writing and it's been great.  Boring, but great.  I comfort myself with the knowledge that at least I get paid to write, and I get paid well.  Maybe my brain has lost all of its mojo in the two years of writing product descriptions, traning modules and tons of corporate cold emails.

Speaking of emails, I'm so good at writing work emails that I've been receiving positive attention from a number of folks.  Apparently they love the direct approach, keeping it simple style and the "no more than 3" rule.  In other words, if this conversation is going to take more than 3 emails, pick up the damn phone!

I appreciate all the flattery, but I am a bit confuse.  I see this type of writing as cold, curt and condescending.  But hey if it works, why rock the boat.

Now if only I could infuse the same positive energy into my book ...

Unexpected Change

I finished it. 

I finished writing my article.  I finished writing my query letter to the editor.  Having done that, I went back and read an old blog I started in 2008, dusted it off and polished it.  I then re-wrote my query letter to include the old blog.  Went through my day semi-conscious, most of my thoughts were on my writing, the changes I made, and the letter I wrote to the editor.

Without meaning to, I went back to my computer and completely changed my query letter to exclude the original article, and just talked about the old blog, with a proposition!  Where did this come from?  Some days I just surprise myself, and this is one of them.

So now I'm sitting here, feeling nervous about sending it.  Should I?  What the heck, why not?  Maybe Wed...I'll spend time with my son tomorrow, give it another look over on Tue and send it on Wed.  Yeah...Wed...sounds good...


Please write something...

Anything!  Write anything!

I have everything I need in my hands, and more.  My ideas are flowing right after the another.  I see beautiful words connecting with each other effortlessly.  All I have to do is capture them on paper.

So what's the problem?  I don't know.  If I did, I would've fixed this by now.  I start, stop then turn away.  Off to something else, work my ass on a project I don't like.  Yet here it is, my big chance and I'm procrastinating.  How do I make myself write?  It may look like I'm writing, as I write this blog, but I'm not.  I'm talking about writing for money, where editors read it and judge.  Aha!  Maybe that's it.  Maybe it's the fear of being judged, my work rejected by the experts of the field.

Whatever the reason, I've made it my goal to write ONE PAGE by the end of tomorrow.  That's all...just one.  I can do that, can't I?

So frustrated...

And I'm the one on meds...

There are some things in this planet I just cannot comprehend...and EP has graciously given me a glimpse of some of them.

I thought I was pretty jaded with some of these things like death, suicide, murder.  But EP has shown me that there is so much more out there.  Some of the things I've read, correction...glanced at, just make me cringe to the point that I am considering going back to church.  What happened to people?  Are we that ugly?

 Even without my disorder, I most likely would still have opted for medication.  It's the only way to get through the ugliness. 




Too much, too soon...

Wish I could say I was having too much sex...

Food!  I had breakfast around 10 and walked with my friend to the theater.  It took us an hour, but the brisk pace in the cold air was refreshing.  After the movie, we walked back and this is where I made a huge mistake.  By now it's 1:30pm and I was starving.  I should've ate something before leaving, at least a bottle of water.  But noooo, I had to challenge myself and walked all the way back for an hour on an empty stomach.  I was so hungry, I swear my insides were shaking.

Finally we arrived at a Starbucks and I ordered more food than I would normally consume, and ate it!  In like 2 minutes!  I went home groggy, and immediately fell asleep.  I woke up to see that I missed the call I've been waiting for and my left lower abdomen is hurting.  Yes, I am feeling crabby.

I hope this pain goes away soon...

If you're a doctor and reading this, please comment.

An Admirer? I hope not...

I've been participating in this research study and today was one my routine appointments.  Draw blood, do the questionnaire, do other tests and a little pocket money at the end of the visit.  The big boss has been sweet on  me the last few times I've been in.  Today was nothing new. 

He asked if I was seeing anyone, been out on dates lately, said I looked good and how much he enjoys talking to me.  When we did the questionnaire about stress, we talked about my divorce, my ex and he in turn shared his life story.

I admit that there was a time in the past when I considered batting my eyes at him, maybe show a little encouragement.  I haven't had intimacy for quite some time so why not grab the opportunity by the horns.  Is this even ethical?  Maybe not, but I don't really care.  I enjoy male attention just like any healthy straight woman.  However, the past few weeks I've been thinking about former BF, praying about former BF and so on.  So today, when I saw big boss and his shiny white teeth, it sort of reminded me of the big bad wolf in the fairy tale, Little Red Riding Hood. 

What was I thinking?  To even consider "going there."  I smile and answer the questions, but this man leaves me cold.  I was hopeful, but nope...it seems I'm still carrying a torch for BF.



Somewhat me...

I've been a member of EP for almost two years and I have yet to write about me on my profile.

Just talking about my two sisters has made me realize how different I am from them.  I have an older and younger sister.  Yep, I'm the middle child, the odd duck.  These two have worked and lived in the same industry all their life.  They are doing what they love the most, and are good at it.  Their cash flow is consistent with a few bad breaks here and there.  They both did a couple of years in college, dropped out and instead opted for some kind of design trade school and apprenticeship.  While my older sis prefers the subdued, somewhat 60's look, my younger one sashays with her bold colors, always making a statement.

Between them...is me.  You'll find me in jeans and a tank top almost all the time.  If it's cold, I'll put on a sweater or jacket.  Flip flops, sandals, flats are my preference.  When it's hot, I wear cut-off jeans...just love them denims.  I only wear make-up when I have to and minimum jewelry, I can't do without earrings.  I have my BA and then some.  My income fluctuates from one extreme to the other, but somehow I always make it work.  I've been to Europe and stayed at high-end hotels (on my tab), and I've slept in the cold floors during war time in Macedonia.

My sisters...they talk, I write.  They sing, I dance.  They have flings and casual relationships, while my shortest relationship was 2 years.  They have purchased property while I'm still in an apt (thanks to my ex-husband and laws of the land).  They are now in what seem like happy marriages with good men, while I'm finishing up a divorce.

They have no children, I have a son.

Yet I don't consider myself any less or have any more than they do.  I simply consider myself blessed.


Glamour, Cosmopolitan and Elle...

I couldn't finish reading the fashion mag I just purchased.  It's a struggle, just doesn't hold my attention for more than a few minutes.  I flip through the fashion pages quickly, glance at the articles about orgasm and men, then flip through more pages.  One story I read in full was about an artist whose mother wanted her dead.  That is the extent of my interest.

Problem is, I'm about to submit an article to one of these fashion mags.  I wanted to be able to say "yes, I've read your mag and I especially enjoyed the bit about the murdering mother...."  hmm, maybe I should add more to that.  To make things worse, one editor suggested I look into their UK version.  Torture...

I've been told I have good sense of style, apply my make-up better than most and always up to date on health and beauty tips.  How do I do it?  I've been blessed with two sisters who are so into the fashion world.  My younger sis is all about clothes and purses, while my older sis is all about beauty and health.  They're both very much into shoes.  They spread the knowledge to everyone regardless of the non-existent interest.  Sometimes I do perk up and say "hey, I like those pants..." 

But now I find myself in unfamiliar territory and immersing myself in fashion leaves me exhausted. 

Running Mate

The new guy did come back and talked to me.  He said I'm hot, and I'm just smiling from ear to ear.  While I do get my fair share of compliments, it's not often that I respond emotionally.  This man in my running group, my running mate...he's different.  But let's not get ahead of ourselves, they're all fascinating at first.  So we'll see where this goes.  At least there's physical attraction, we're both single and in the same age range.  He also possess many qualities I admire in a man.

I am optimistic.


Writer Not Writing

Dear Self,

What the hell is your problem?  You've had opportunity, tools, talent, what else do you need?  Encouragement, inspiration, technique, what else do you need?  Time, opportunity, imagination, what else do you need?


Noted Difference

Need to get ready and head out for Father's Day ... I'm running late and not because I have so much to do.  Took my time waking up, fixed eggs and sausage for breakfast, getting distracted with all sorts of things.  Basic dilly dallying.  Checking the clock, I definitely need to get a move on.

I couldn't help noticing that had I been living in the old house with the ex-husband, I would've been ready at the crack of down and on the road.  Now that I'm on my own, I've become a homebody.  I LIKE spending time at home and I don't mind being alone.  There's a difference between alone and lonely.

Haven't seen the BF for almost a month, haven't talked to him either.  Yet strangely, I don't feel lonely.  Other people's company come and go, and it doesn't bother me. 

I like spending time with me.

heart


Card Making from The Greeting Farm





1-20 of 23 Blogs   

Previous Posts
Birthday Presents, posted June 8th, 2014
Response to new vibe, posted April 24th, 2014
A new vibe ..., posted April 24th, 2014
It Ain't about me ..., posted April 17th, 2014
It Ain't about me ..., posted April 17th, 2014
4-14-14, posted April 14th, 2014
Has he given up on us?, posted April 9th, 2014
Therapy and love, posted April 7th, 2014, 2 comments
Brief, clear and concise, posted November 6th, 2012
Unexpected Change, posted November 14th, 2010
Please write something..., posted October 31st, 2010
And I'm the one on meds..., posted October 31st, 2010
Too much, too soon..., posted October 24th, 2010
An Admirer? I hope not..., posted October 6th, 2010
Somewhat me..., posted October 3rd, 2010
Glamour, Cosmopolitan and Elle..., posted October 3rd, 2010
Running Mate, posted August 22nd, 2010
Writer Not Writing, posted July 23rd, 2010, 2 comments
Noted Difference, posted June 20th, 2010, 2 comments
Card Making from The Greeting Farm, posted June 19th, 2010
A real dork, posted June 2nd, 2010
Bankruptcy Law, posted June 2nd, 2010
Super Super Market, posted May 31st, 2010, 3 comments
The Cable Guy, posted May 4th, 2010
Living with Medication, posted July 10th, 2009, 3 comments

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